Fan Fiction: Parody and Satire

The Amazing Cranston

   "Yes."

  "Do you believe that we shall eventually find him?" *Again with the turning...*

  "Yes." *Another clear hit with the pyramid!*

  Weston smiled. The definite answers seemed to please him. *Damn thing's finally working now!* He started to ask a question; then checked himself. When he spoke, he did so carefully.

  "I was going to ask your opinion about Callard as the murderer," said the commissioner, with a note of sarcasm. "But in your present mood, Cranston, you would probably start a roundabout argument by doubting Callard's guilt on the ground that the evidence against him is somewhat circumstantial.

  "So to avoid such argument, I shall speak impersonally. We will refer merely to the murderer. You say these cases are complicated. Very well, do you think that one man murdered all three victims: Ralgood, Basslett and Shurrick?" *Go ball GO!*

  Weston paused, waiting impatiently for the answer. The Shadow spoke deliberately.

  "Yes," he replied, his tone one of conviction. "I believe that a single murderer was responsible." *Clever deduction Watson...*

  "And that he trussed up Dolver?" questioned the commissioner, quickly. "After he killed Shurrick?"

  "Yes," returned The Shadow. "The murderer was responsible for Dolver's bonds as well as for the deaths." *Whirr...Click! Your future looks dim...*

  "Do you believe he had accomplices to aid him?"

  "No. He needed no accomplices." *Duh.*

  "Very good," chuckled Weston. "Well, Cranston, we agree on some points at least. Particularly the last one. Without your advice" — there was a tinge of sarcasm in the commissioner's tone *@#^$ing Eight ball* — "I have ordered the release of the witnesses. *Weston gives Cranston the raspberry, "Pbbbbbbt!"* The clerk and the elevator man are going back on duty. I have stationed officers at the apartment house, to watch the screen of crime.

  "Timothy Lattan and Courtney Dolver are back in their own apartments; of course I have placed men on the twelfth floor for tonight. *Cause I'm smarter than you!* Lattan intends to remain in the apartment house; Dolver is going out to his Long Island residence tomorrow. Meanwhile we shall continue our search for Dave Callard."

  THE SHADOW was rising with Weston. *Apparently the quarter's full time was up.* Together, they walked from the grillroom, up to the lobby, where they shook hands at the door. It was then that The Shadow put a quiet statement; one that made the commissioner start. *Because nobody gets the last laugh on the omniscient Oracle of Darkness!*

  "You did not ask me," observed The Shadow, "where crime is next due to strike." *ohmmmmmmmmmmm*

  "You mean," gasped Weston, "that Callard will be bold enough to come out of cover?" *Audience: GASP!!!*

  "I do," replied The Shadow. "I also believe that a new murder may be attempted!"

  "What is your basis for such a theory?" *You must tell me Oh Wise and Powerful Oz!!*

  "There may be more men at large who knew Milton Callard. Men who might prove to be important factors in the matter of his missing millions." *cough findthem cough*

  "You think that is the issue at stake?" *Are you sure? Cause I think your full of...*

  "It is the issue!"

  *All at once Holmes reels back from the table, The Magic Eight ball rolls off and shatters into a thousand pieces, and the Amazing Fortune Telling Machine disappears!!*

  Weston spluttered. The thought of further tragedy appalled him. While the commissioner stood in his dumfoundment, The Shadow nodded good night and strolled leisurely toward a limousine that had pulled up from across the street. The waiting chauffeur had recognized the figure of Lamont Cranston.

  "Home, Stanley," ordered The Shadow.

  As the tail-light swung the near corner, Weston uttered a half contemptuous snort; then chewed his lips as he walked off in the opposite direction. Despite his bravado, the commissioner was troubled.

  Not alone by the statements from the lips of his friend Lamont Cranston. After that had come a sound that had made the commissioner wonder. It had reached his ears as the whispered echo of a trailing laugh. *Puny mortals... HA HA AHHAH AHAHAH!!!*

  Another man might have believed himself the victim of delusion. Not so with Commissioner Ralph Weston. For he had vague recollections of having heard that laugh before. The laugh of The Shadow.

The End