Fan Fiction: Parody and Satire

The Amazing Cranston

  MIDNIGHT was approaching when Commissioner Ralph Weston walked into the exclusive Cobalt Club. Weston's first act was to inquire for Lamont Cranston. He was informed that the millionaire was in the grillroom. The commissioner made in that direction and located his friend at a table, puffing a cigarette above a half-emptied cup of coffee.

  "Sorry, Cranston," apologized Weston. "I couldn't very well invite you to remain at the crime scene tonight. Too many persons about; and Cardona works better when he has a chance to study things alone."

  "I suppose so," smiled The Shadow, with a nod. "Furthermore, I presume that he developed new theories on important points." *He had better, or this scene just kind of goes no where.*

  "He did," assured Weston. "I must credit him with bringing up one subject that did not occur to either of us." *He is so much cooler than you!*

  "You are wrong, commissioner. It occurred to me after I had come back to the club."

  *Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your seats 'cause here he goes!*

  "Occurred to you, Cranston? What do you mean? I have not even told you what the subject was." * The commissioner begins to eyeball the Magic Eight ball sitting across from him curiously...*

  "I have guessed it. The question was why the murderer did not kill Dolver as well as Shurrick." *Cranston sets the Turban of Insight atop his head*

  "Marvelous, Cranston!" Weston's exclamation betokened full admiration. "That was the very point that Cardona brought into the discussion. But he carried it further." *Weston inserts a quarter into the fortune telling machine for the next 5 minutes...*

  "So did I, commissioner. In fact, Cardona must have struck upon the very thought that started my chain of reasoning. Since the murderer killed two men at Ralgood's, he should logically have done the same at Shurrick's." *The fortune telling machine begins to whirl, and he places the cards upon the table...*

  "Precisely, Cranston. Let me apologize again. I should have had you remain at the penthouse. Your processes of deduction have paralleled Cardona's. But he went further - " *Weston's thoughts: "hmm, maybe I should keep this Eight ball in my pocket from now on..."*

  "Let me continue, commissioner. Circumstances, as you have studied them, point to David Callard as the murderer. He would have had every reason to kill Basslett, for the secretary might have known something about him. But he had no reason to slay Dolver, a chance intruder." * Cranston turns over one of the cards...*

  "You have followed Cardona's reasoning, Cranston. But he brought up one point that you missed. *Weston tries a to put a quarter with a string attached into the machine...* There was another reason why Callard spared Dolver. He was restricting himself to the use of a single gun; the one he had stolen from Ralgood's. He fired all the bullets at Shurrick; hence he had none left for Dolver."

  WESTON smiled as he completed this statement. He felt sure that he had scored one on Cranston. *So far the trick quarter had begun to operate the machine again...* The Shadow's quiet reply, however, caused the commissioner's smile to fade.

  "Ralgood and Basslett were both murdered by bullets from a single gun," reminded The Shadow. "Three shots for each victim. I believe the newspapers stated. Since Dolver, by his own testimony, came into the fray before the shots were fired, it seems that young Callard might have reserved some bullets for him, as you believe he did with Basslett." *The fortune telling machine violently spits out the quarter and the string...*

  "That's true," admitted Weston. "You've jumped ahead of Cardona. He missed that point, Cranston. I shall have to discuss it with him." *Weston looks dejectedly at the bent quarter and the broken string in his palm...*

  "He may have an answer, commissioner." *A glimmer of hope!*

  "What could that be?"

  "The killer used a strange gun tonight. It was an antiquated weapon, one that he might consider less effective than his own. Moreover, it had only five chambers, whereas his previous gun had six. *Bum bum bummmm* One less bullet might worry a killer who seems to rely upon a minimum of three." *Another flip of the cards...the clues begin to unfold...*

  "Good logic," laughed Weston. "Jumps ahead of Cardona, yet it brings us back to where we were." *Sarcastically: "Thank you Mr. Turban!"*

  "Not quite," remarked The Shadow. *A record playing in the background suddenly screeches to a halt...*

  Weston looked puzzled.

  "We have the matter of the rope," explained The Shadow, flicking his cigarette, in the fashion of Cranston. "We must find a reason for its presence." *The mobile hands reclaim the deck and shuffle. They begin to deal out a more complex pattern than before...*

  "That is easy," assured Weston. "He brought the rope along to tie up James Shurrick." *AH HA Sherlock! A clue!!*

  "Then you believe that he did not intend to murder the old man?" * 'Sherlock' puffs his pipe...*

  "I don't think he did Holmes, I mean Cranston. He wanted the locket that he stole. He knew that revolver shots would be heard. He probably intended to overpower Shurrick. Remember, Cranston: Dolver said that young Callard was wearing a mask. He did not expect Shurrick to recognize him. Gunfire was a risky process."

  "And yet the murderer pumped five bullets into Shurrick -" * 'Sherlock' gets out a violin and strokes it gently*

  "Because he had to, Cranston. He had two men to deal with after Dolver intervened."

  "Very well. He knew that gunfire was risky; he wanted to avoid it because it would hamper his get-away. Yet he deliberately took out time to truss up Dolver." * 'Sherlock' begins to rosin up the bow...*

  "He had to do that since his revolver was empty. He had no more cartridges for that borrowed gun."

  "He still had the revolver - " * 'Sherlock' decides the violin isn't properly tuned and puts it away for now...*

  "But how could he use it, I ask you? Without ammunition?"

  *It's elementary my dear Watson, I mean Weston.* "It would have served him as a bludgeon. It would have been quicker, easier, to batter Dolver's skull than to tie him up. Particularly, it would have been preferable, if we consider the first theory that Cardona presented. A theory with which you agreed, commissioner."

  "You mean the theory that Callard was trying to cover his identity?"